(From Perv-A Love Story) How do you young people say it? They ‘light your fire’? I should be shocked but, accch… you kids today! All you kids are comedians now. Well I got news for you, Mr. Jackie Mason. If you’d let me finish, Walter Cronkite, you’d find out. Believe me, there have been plenty of times I wanted to tell that b-rhymes-with-ditch what her brother the saint was really like. Pardon my française. I say to him, “What in God’s name are you doing? It’s three o’clock in the afternoon.” What the time has to do with the price of tea in China, I don’t know. Albert was a handsome man, but after fifty he got the jowls. If he’s really God, he’ll send you a helicopter. He’ll call a cab…No way, Jose. If he’s God, he’ll get you an appointment with a hairdresser. Once a perv, always a perv.