Maybe I’m supposed to say I can’t believe it’s been ten years, it feels like she was just born, where did the time go and all that, but, IDK, I can believe it, it does feel like ten years. It kind of feels like forever. (I mean, we still had jobs, hope, and cash back then.)* We’ve had our share of adventures this past decade, more highs than lows, thankfully, but no, the years have not flown by.
Rich and I always knew we’d have a Lucy someday. Sometimes when we’d see little red haired girls around we’d say things like, “Is that Lucy?” which in retrospect is maybe a little weird? I promise it was meant in the least creepy way possible. Shortly after we got married we decided we were ready, and we figured we’d start right after New Year’s, so that when the holidays came, we’d have a sweet little newborn under the tree. Oh we were so cocky! Yeah, that’s not how it happened.
We did not get pregnant that first month, or the next one or the next one or that whole year, and I did not handle that well at all.
I was losing my mind after about four months. I really should have paced myself though. In the end it took 16 months, 20 cycles, one blighted ovum, four IUIs, two rounds of clomid, until finally one adorable beautiful perfect amazing second pink line.
The thing about trying to conceive that really eats at you is that you’re always waiting for the days to go by. You’re either waiting to ovulate or you’re waiting to see if you got pregnant this time, but either way you’re always counting the days for these two weeks to go by. So while 16 months of ttc may not seem so long in the grand scheme of things, (and it’s not, not really) that’s about 485 days in a row of not being content with where you are in your life on this day. That can bring a person down.
I promised myself I would never forget how hard it was. I will never roll my eyes at someone upset about not being pregnant when it’s only been a year/a month/a week/a day/haven’t started trying yet. If you need a shoulder to cry on because you want your baby now, please, I am here for you. And I hope that you get whatever it is you want, and when you do, it’s even better than you’d hoped. That’s how it turned out for us.
*yes I know, that’s the joke